Yo! I got a feeling.... a feeling deep inside! And I want to share with everybody, with the world, I just wanna say thanks for everyone in my life! For every little moment that you have afforded me. You have no idea how you're important to me. The ones who are still with me, the ones who are gone. Thanks. For being there, for share a few seconds or a whole life with me, I'll never forget you. Thanks Karla for being my oldest friend, even we're away now we have so much childhood's memories, you and all those guys from school, we have something unique that are only ours, we grew up together. Thanks Leo for teach me how do not be a friend, I learnt a lot from you, and if I still believe in people, it's all because of you. Thanks Ana Carla and Saulo, my first time trying alcoholic drinks hehehe such a evening at Compania Paulista. Thanks Dark, Cintia, Cilas, Bruno and all the other guys from we82, where are you now? Those weekends and "summer" vacations are still in my mind, everyday was new adventure, a new game to play. Thanks Alana, Gisele, and Marquitinho for those vacations at Mosqueiro, they were funny after all. Thanx Bela for being all those years here, by my side, I'm really lucky to be you as a friend. Thanks Alê for made me feel in love again,Thanks Jake to make me see things clearly and I was in doubt. Thanks to Hoshino, for allow me to gettin' in his life and teach new things everyday, Thanks Rafitcha, she's the one who understands me better than anyone else in this world, Thanks to Markypaul, the borther I chose, and I blindfold trust him, Those last ones I'm not ashamed to say that I love them. The list are really huge, have you ever stopped to think about people who in some way helped you in your way? Well I had. Well that's it, right now I feel like a marching band, playing around a song, that goes right to people's heart! Yes I still the same fool! Good night! 

Last Saturday night I was talking to a friend that I don't see since 2007's vacations, and that fact  was kinda curious. 1st 'cause I was going bed when she got online, and then she started to talk, well we talked about things that happened since the last time we saw each other and what we are going to do from now, but that night, I was kinda inspired, and she started to complain about some problem, involving people who lets us down, and we can not trust. Well I told her that I already felt that like a thousand of times, because to me is to easy to trust in people, and most of the time, people I trust just don't give a damn to me, and that's really frustrating, I hate it. But I told her that it's life, we don't create any rule, but we need to follow the ones that are imposed to us. No one cares if we like it or not. Well, as I said, I was very inspired that night and we kept talking about it all for a long, long time and she got really surprised about what I was telling her, her words: 

"Boy, I did not know that you were that smart and wise, when I met you, you were so funny and making jokes, you look different now." I told her that in fact I'm this way, you know, if you make jokes, or look happy some way you got people's attention for awhile, but in fact I'm not that joker that everyone think I am. It's just a mask, last Sunday at Centro Ita, I was not that happy, I was being me, but people just don't understand, or rather they prefer me to be the joker, I don't know and to tell you the truth I don't care, they're just people playing the same game that I play, and some of them play better than me.

Yes, I'm weak, in fact I'm weaker than I thought! But that's okay, I still have no right to feel anything, I'm a monster after all, I see this into people's eyes, they look at me as I'm a monster something that should be vanished from the world. Yeah, I'm a monster, so I have no right to feel anything at all, I'm not supposed to dream, or have any kind of feeling, it's forbidden. We, monsters, only exist to be the villain, we're faded to be the ones whose must be defeated, so once we're gone people can be happy again, while I'm alive, people will always get afraid to look at me, talk to me, think of me.... be my friend. But that's okay, this is me, I can't change nothing at all. I can't change the fact that I'm not good on nothing, sports, studies, funny things, relations, nothing. So I just want to get in a place where I find monsters like me, the excluded from society, if I find this place, will they care about me there? Can call this place as my home? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I'm so tired to be a cute monster, I wanna be the monster I am, deep inside. I am really tired of trying to make people recognize that I exist, that I'm real, and I don't understand why I care so much about it, it's getting me crazy, I am locked in my own thoughts and I can't flee. Linkings, important people, love! Do I like them? Is this the reason that make me stay? Do I need them? Is it because of them that my real me, my monster, still sleeping? To many questions and no answers at all, as I said before I'm weak... and I cannot even shed a tear or smile.
ただいま

Hey, Can I sit here, by your side? You don't need to talk to me, that's okay for me. If I just have you here, my world is complete, so please don't go away from me, I know, I'm boring most of the time, and I'm disposable as broken glass, and I don't know how to change it, I want to be a bit more interesting, I want to make you laugh and be happy, but I know I cannot do that.

But don't worry, I won't feel blue, I do not have the right of such a thing, I don't deserve nothing at all, right? I'm just a soul that suffers for been caged, and I'm caged in this body, my body. I don't have nothing to offer to you, I'm not good at anything at all, I'm just some pathetic guy, who thinks better than does about everything, about life. Don't leave me because of it,I know I have nothing and you, you just make me feel so good, so better, and that hurts me, to see that I don't move you, I don't reach at you as you do to me. I know I asked you to not talk to me, but sometimes, it's good to listen some words of care, worry, friendship or at least one acknowledgment for trying to stay by your side, ´cause you know, one day I may wake up from my hypnosis and leave you, if I do that will you perceive that I'm gone? Will you care? Sometimes I want to know the answers but I get afraid after all.

Well, I'll sit here anyway, and look at you as this world slowly changes its colours, To blue to white, white to gray and gray to orange, to orange to darker than black and then breaks into orange and then to blue again. I know one day we're gonna stand up and walk, to anywhere we need/want to go, but while we're here I'm gonna enjoy it, the most as I can, I'll enjoy it 'till the break of the dawn, 'till the next drink, 'till the next bus stop, 'till the end of hypnosis.

"Fugir da verdade, cortará a carne. Aceitar o mundo, 
destruirá a mente!"

Alguém já parou pra pensar o quanto é dificil lidar com as pessoas? Bom tenho feito muito isso ultimamente e nas minhas reflexões reparei que, sim, lidar com as pessoas é estressante, muito mesmo, mas dai uma bela madrudaga, numa conversa no msn, simplesmente caiu a ficha, não posso me excluir desse grupo também, afinal sou um ser humano também!

Foi ai que eu vi que meus problemas tão importantes pra mim, significam absolutamente NADA para terceiros, quatros e quintos, digo isso pois a pessoa com quem falava no msn, me contava seus problemas e eu so respondia "humhum", é, sei nem um pouco amigo eu. Tento ao máximo respeitar as pessoas, digo; seus problemas, manias, opiniões e etc. Mas ainda assim eu, as vezes, muitas vezes por sinal, acabo me estressando com as pessoas, fico chateado, deprê mesmo! Dai vem meu melhor amigo e me faz uma homenagem no fotolog dele,e só com esse gesto jáme sinto melhor. Então cheguei a conclusão que, talvez, o problema não seje as pessoas e sim comigo! xD, bom até a próxima, vejo vcs na lua! ^^,